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“FLARP: My Superhero Alter Ego” by JTK.CA

“FLARP: My Superhero Alter Ego” by JTK.CA

In the early 1980’s, at a junior high school costume dance, I dressed up as my superhero alter ego named FLARP. Flarp wore a blue Adidas® jogging suit with yellow stripes down the sides; a green bath towel for a cape; a neon orange hunting cap; and a toy machine gun with sound effects. Obviously (with the toy gun) it was a different era. I aimed my toy machine gun at three girls, shot them with the machine gun sound effect, and they proceeded to dance with me. FLARP was luckier with the ladies than I’ve ever been as myself.

Several years later, my brother Mike gave me a Whoopee Cushion for Christmas or my Birthday. The reason was that it was branded with the name “FLARP!®” Cool coincidental naming! Perhaps I’ll replace my alter ego Flarp's now-politically-incorrect toy machine gun with FLARP!® Self-Inflating Whoopee Cushions and FLARP!® Noise Putty, both made by Ja-Ru, Inc. However, since I’m also a nude model, they’d probably want nothing to do with me. I’ve also thought I could replace the toy machine gun with harmless, tiny Valentine pillows I’d throw at people, symbolizing a superhero who just wants to fill the world with love. I’m crazy; just go with it.

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